I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
