some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
