It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
