I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
