That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Randomize
