You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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