and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
