Pants 0. Shit 1.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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