After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
