Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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