Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
