Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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