I intend to get homeless drunk
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
