obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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