burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
