It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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