I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
