I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
