Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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