i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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