??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
