Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
