Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
