The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
