i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
