Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
