I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
You can't motorboat a personality
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
