2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
