Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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