Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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