I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
