i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
