but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
