A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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