Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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