I heard we made out
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
