I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
why is half of my head shaved?
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