so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
