He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
