Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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