Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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