Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
