I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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