Pappa wants mamma naked
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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