Screwed.edu
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Randomize
