it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
