I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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