you win again, gameday.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
