Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
