just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
