If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
