Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
