Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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