I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
