I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
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I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
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can you please not set my house on fire for once???
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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