now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
