id be glad to
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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