Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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