Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
