Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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