she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
