Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
