i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
