I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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