I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Houston, we have a squirter
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
