I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
