i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
