how can u be prego again
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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