Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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