You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
