i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
