I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
