Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
