i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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