This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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