i can't believe i had my finger in that
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
