i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
