I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
