Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize