As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
