Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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