I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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